Debajo de el tiempo

Did I say that right? I'm feeling a little under the weather today. Not physically, rather mentally. It's weird how I can (or anyone for that matter) can be in great spirits, going with the flow of life, thinking positive thoughts about everything changing and unfolding all of the time....and then one day, just one day, those doubting thoughts start to creep in. Then it's like a snowball, they just keep coming and coming until you are plowed down with doubt.

I have made a tremendous amount of headway over the last week in my quest to re-locate to Costa Rica. For those of you who know me, it's a miracle I even chose a location to begin with. I've been scheming, dreaming and otherwise talking the talk of moving to another country for YEARS now. My people have been very nice, and not told me to shut the F up they are sick of hearing about it.

Listen, I've had my job for twelve years now. TWELVE YEARS. You cannot imagine what is going on in my head. Luckily, a lot of it is happy. Some of it is fear. How am I going to pay for my healthcare and dental? How am I going to EVER save enough money to get my teeth worked on if I live in Costa Rica on a Costa Rican salary? Will I stay there forever? Will I not last even a month? What about my cats? What about my family? Not only am I thinking about these things....but I am terrified of being unproductive and lazy when I am collecting unemployment in Chicago. I have so many projects and things I want to do and I'm afraid of laziness. And of course I cannot be living on unemployment forever. I think one year is the time period. Am I going to figure out what I want to do next with my life instead of settling for some crappy job in Chicago and remain miserable? I want to spread my wings. I want to get into a field I love. Here's my thoughts right now....Elementary Education, Applied Linguistics (ESL), and Latin American Studies. I have no idea how I'm going to do all three but I want to. Is that crazy? Ok, enough of my rantings....by the way, I updated a few prior posts if you wanted the recipes for any of my meals I made.