It's Been Awhile

I've been in Costa Rica now for...what, almost 5 months. Super homesick and at the moment realizing what life in Costa Rica REALLY consists of. People coming and going, in and out of your life. I've resumed blogging with some inspiration from the wifey. The first four months here were observation and fun. Then I got a job. And now that I know my halfway point has passed, I'm looking forward to being back home. I've always been one to get attached to people and places and I am also dealing with coming home to a blank slate, literally. I have no idea how I'm going to make money, I don't have a cell phone anymore, I won't be able to afford car insurance for a few months and I DONT want to return to the same lifestyle I had before, meaning I would rather NOT work 9-5 M-F.

Hmmm....I think it's been so hard for me to return to my blog because so much has transpired between then and now I don't even know where to start. But in the spirit of not giving up, I'm just going to start with right here, right now.

I haven't been in a bad place, per se, but I have definitely having a little anxiety about my future in all aspects. I am realizing the truth to what I have always believed in, which is the universe will provide for what is needed and that thoughts create things for us. I've always been one who has conceptually known this since I was a small child but after having lived it a few times literally not knowing where I was going to live or how I was going to eat, I lived it instead of reading it in a book. AND I'm surrounded by good people right now whom continually remind me of laughter and happiness and thinking positive thoughts. I think that's my biggest issue....when I begin to get down or become hard on myself for what I'm not doing or what I should be doing or why I don't have something whatever it be (Masters Degree, true love, no debt...) I instead should replace these thoughts with what I do have, what I have done.

Anyway...I just came off a long week of hard partying, not gonna lie. It was amazing fun. It was "Zion's" birthday. 30th birthday at that. I love being part of people's important memories. Not that he can remember the whole thing but hey, he knows I was there. lol. The whole time I was in Costa Rica I refrained from becoming friends with foreigners...I was here to experience local culture. And then I met the Swedes. I fell off the Jaco map and took up semi-residence in Hermosa and the land of the Swedes. In fact, I have to check myself and stay in Jaco sometimes because I wonder if I'm wearing out my welcome. ha ha. And of course they are dj's/independent entrepreneurs/house music fanatics/like minded/off beat/abnormal people like my dear friends back home. Never fails, everywhere I go, the house community rears it's beautiful head. I can NOT say enough good things about those boys. I want them to adopt me and let me come live with them in Sweden for awhile. I'll be the cook/housekeeper and they can just make me laugh all day long. love. love. love. So yea, without implicating anyone I can't really tell all my stories on here but I will say I went to a strip club and had my first lap dance while hanging with these crazy people (I'm not crazy....BWWHAAAHHHA)

My friend Maghen I met while I was down here and ironically is living in Chicago when she leaves here. I'm so fucking happy to have a fellow Costa Rica friend to share my experience with. I'm getting sad thinking about everyone leaving but it makes me happy to know I can share my memories with her. And obviously hang out at a time when Chicago is literally the best city in the world.

I am sorry if anyone back home feels slighted because I haven't called or kept in close contact with. The pace here is different. The motivation is considerably less...it's like ocean early morning, sleep or rest and then chill. And usually when that occurs there is no internet around.

Aaahhhh I'm rambling now. I'm just in a weird mood. Not feeling witty, interesting or anything else for that matter at the moment. Got a lot going on in my head which would all sound nonsense to the casual observer. So I refrain. Emotions are but a passing feeling, like clouds in the sky. Love you all, miss you all, every minute of every day, near and far.